In July 2018 I lost a very dear friend much too soon, and since that time I have tried unsuccessfully many times to connect to her. It’s not uncommon, after death, to feel the presence of those we love, and so I have longed to feel her again. So far, there’s been nothing, and I’ve been confused as to why. Not a dream, not a felt presence, not a bird on my windowsill, not a voice from deep in my meditative places, nothing at all. I eventually reached some peace about this, that my friend resides in heavenly places I cannot reach and if and when she ever wants to reach me, she can.
Today was finally that day, and my experience was so wonderful that I reached out to her husband to share it with him. He was also touched by the experience I had and asked that I write about it. Although I don’t fully understand the timing of her visit, I’m just so grateful for it that I won’t question it! She came to me in a dream, and because it had been so long and so long-awaited, I was deeply shocked and overwhelmed at first. Her presence was incredibly sweet and warm, and I was giddy and crying tears of joy to see her again. I spent a long time just reveling in her presence until I realized we were sitting side by side in a movie theater. I could see that she was very excited about what we were going to see together. She always had a particular smile when she was finding something to be especially cool. Her friends and family will know the look I mean. I didn’t understand why we were watching a movie, but I looked at the screen and it began to fill with hearts. First one, then another, then another and another. They filled and crowded the screen, growing and growing. I kept watching her and could see this was the coolest thing ever to her. It was beautiful and conveyed love, so I looked back to get a sense of the projector. What I then realized was that the movie was projecting directly out of me. It was my own heart projecting onto the screen, a light extending from my own chest. I was taken aback and looked at her and her smile only said, “I know, right?”
What my friend told me and demonstrated to me is that we all have what we feel is a reality we are seeing and experiencing, but this always is a projection from our own hearts. The “reality” I see is my own projection, and I can make of it what I want. Why not love, love, and more love? If you perceive with love then you’ll have more of it.
The hearts on the screen multiplied so vastly and intensely until then I saw my friend standing at the top of a waterfall. It was massive and I was struck by how powerful the water was pounding down below. The hearts had multiplied into a waterfall of love. My friend said, “It’s actually even bigger than this, but I have no other way to show you. You wouldn’t understand.” Both the Source and the impact of love is beyond what we can really comprehend here, and I am reminded of the verse “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for them that love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
We enjoyed the massive overflow of love together for a while until I felt she had to go. Before she left she extended a candle to me. I got the sense it was a birthday candle. Her face was illuminated with joy sharing the candle and I reminded her it wasn’t my birthday! She then reminded me that it is her boys’ birthdays this week, and she celebrates with them and for them. She showed me that she is ever-present around her children, it’s where her presence can be felt strongest. She’s always there. It’s the week of Valentine’s Day, the holiday of love, and that in every red heart, she is there. To let them all be a reminder of her love, God’s love, and the unequivocal power of projecting love.
I didn’t want her to go, because I worried I may never see or feel her again. Throughout this experience with her, she had maintained an excited energy about where she is and the work she is now doing. I felt so sad to say good-bye and I showed her my sadness and the sadness of her family and friends, how we miss her so much. Without ever losing her excited grin she said, “I will see you again.” Apparently my broken heart pales in comparison to what’s in store. That’s a comfort too.
In Hebrews 12:1 the writer says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” I know there is only one source of love, and that is God alone; and that God’s grace is sufficient for all I need. But there is something empowering and comforting about being reminded that the saints that have gone before us stand as a great cloud of witnesses. My friend always loved a good movie, and now she gets to sit in the greatest of theaters, witnessing the most incredible movies of all time— those that project from within us onto the world. Those that have gone before now surround us with a loud cheer. They join with God in supporting us through this race.
Thank you, my friend, for your beautiful visit today. I will never forget it. Happy Valentine’s Day.